“Yama-chan!” Turning around I just see your smile that paints my world. It’s probably exaggeration, or maybe not. For me, you are the one that painted my life with all these wonderful colours.

Smiling, I waved back to you and you started to jog towards me. It was a chilly morning for school, and my heart raced as you wrapped your muffler around my neck. Just like this, we were linked by your gray muffler as we walked to school.

At these times, I thought of you like the snow.

As if trying to fit the mood, the first snowflake landed on my sleeve, and I smiled silently. Yuto-kun, you’re like the snow, white and pure.

It’s like you’ve been living without worries, always having a smile adorned on your lips. Remember the first time we met? It was by chance, that I entered for the audition.

You came by and crash into my world by chance, and it was probably at that time, something inside me had triggered, changing me as time passed.

“Ne, are you busy this weekend? I was thinking if you would like to come over to stay.”

“Ba-chan misses me?” A giggle escaped his thin lips and I joined in the laughter before nodding my head. Why would I turn down a chance to stay beside Yuto-kun?

I didn’t know when it started. The pure friendship that I felt for you took a turn. All of a sudden, it wasn’t all that simple anymore. The escalating heart beat I felt when you hooked your arms with mine, or the flushing of my cheeks when our faces were too close.

Before I know it, I’ve fallen for you, Nakajima Yuto.

“Yama-chan, are you alright?” Worry could be seen in Keito’s eyes, and I plastered a smile and nodded. “You’re not. Now tell me what happened.” Keito always knows when I’m feeling down. Probably we have the same mentality.

“Why do I feel like my heart is going to explode when Yuto-kun talks to me? Or my knees almost giving way when he’s body is a little too close to mine? Why, Keito?”

“That’s probably what we call … love.”


These feelings called love got stronger every day. The more I can’t have you, Yuto-kun, the stronger these feelings get.

However, I know that I can’t get the same kind of love back. You only treat me as your best friend. Knowing this, my world just crashed down onto my shoulder, adding weight into my life.

I’ve known it for so long, yet I just can’t comprehend it.

Nakajima Yuto, I love you.

“Ne, Yuto-kun.”

“What is it Yama-chan?” We were now lying on your bed, just like the old times. Although there was a gap in between, I felt contented. “What if. What if I was a girl and fell for you?”

I felt you turning to your side, looking at me. Flipping around, I stared at your face. Your beautiful eyes were under those eyelids. Your sharp nose and the thin lips that I wish could meet mine.

“We’ll have to see if we will meet, right?”

“So I’ve met Yuto-kun as a girl, and we are great friends, best friends. So coincidentally, I fell for you. What will you do?”

You simply pulled the stuffed toy I bought for you on your birthday years ago tighter to your chest, and smiled, before opening your eyes.

It was as if I was being sucked into your orbs, as your eyes seem to have captivated me. “Didn’t I answer that back when we were in Hey! Say! 7 filming the Hey! Say! PV? I would’ve fallen for you if you are a girl, Yama-chan.”

It made my heart skip a beat, yet I can also hear it being harshly smashed into pieces.

The fact was that I want Yuto-kun to love me as how I am.

I want you to love me as Yamada Ryosuke.

Your breath was even, and I continued to stay awake, looking at your sleeping figure. Bringing out my courage, my fingers slowly traced your lips, your nose, and your cheeks. Silently, I thanked you for being a heavy sleeper.

Pulling myself closer, I felt tears starting to well up. Gently, I pecked your lips. Once. Twice. Thrice. Stop it Ryosuke. For the last time, my lips were against yours for a little while longer, as I tried to remember how your lips feel so perfect against mine.

I know I couldn't tell you how I felt. Simply because it'll destroy everything we have. Our friendship would disappear.

Looking at you one last time, I silently laced our hands together, savoring what I've always been wishing for. Before I drifted off to sleep, I just thought of what could be.

"Morning Yama-chan." I didn't expect to wake up in his embrace, even though it was a friendly one.

"Yuto-kun, let me sleep." A smile graced his lips before he pulled me up in sitting position. Emotions overwhelmed me, and tears felt unknowingly. I saw Yuto-kun's shocked expression, before I just blurted out.

"Yuto-kun, please know that you're my most important person, no matter what happens." He just nodded and pulled me into a tight bear hug.

Nakajima Yuto, I can now only hope one day; you'll feel the same thing as me.